


Losing Faith

by lotrspnfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Castiel Has a Religious Family, Dean Saves Castiel, Disfigurement, Drabble Collection, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Family, Family Loss, Gabriel copes with drugs, Homophobia, Lucifer is disfigured, Protective Dean Winchester, Religious Guilt, Self-Harming Castiel, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrspnfangirl/pseuds/lotrspnfangirl
Summary: Lucas, Gabriel, and Castiel find themselves at the mercy of their Uncle Zachariah who took them in after their parents demise, eager to teach them that the reason their parents died were for their sins and determined to set the boys on the path of righteousness. Eager to please, Castiel does his best to keep his Uncle happy, to do as he's told, even as his brothers fall apart around him. When Castiel wakes up one morning after dreaming of a boy, he realizes he's failed.He's bad, dirty, wrong. And according to his Uncle's teaching, his doom is sure to be upon him.Dean Winchester, however, doesn't see it that way. And though Castiel is losing faith in himself, in his family, in the religion he's lived and breathed for the last ten years, he'd finding something stronger.





	1. The Shurley Family I - [Age Four] Disney Bound

**Author's Note:**

> This is a drabble series that just... started. I don't even know, but I hope you enjoy it! It will focus on some dark themes, going through Castiel's childhood to teenage years, to falling in love and dealing with loss. Please keep your eyes on the tags if you have specific triggers as they will be updated as we go. Some of the more major themes have been added already. 
> 
> I am hoping to twist my best friend's arm into providing some art for this -- thinking Castiel is probably going to use some coping with drawing/journaling. Give her a shout out that we have needs! 
> 
> It will be updated on Saturdays.

**The Shurley Family I - [Age Four] Disney Bound**

 

Castiel Shurley was buckled safely between his older brothers, Lucas and Gabriel, with a brand new Mickey Mouse stuffed animal sitting on his lap. Gabriel was _always_ moving, bouncing his legs or biting his fingernails, but today all three boys were restless. Castiel couldn’t stop kicking his legs or hugging his Mickey. They were going to Disney!

“Are we there yet?”

Castiel glanced over at Lucas before looking up front to where his mom was trying to hide her smile. He was just glad he wasn’t the one to ask it this time.

“No, not yet. We haven’t even gotten on the highway, Luc.”

Castiel, Gabriel, and Lucas sighed together.

“You guys should close your eyes; it will be at least an hour until we get to the airport,” Dad added and Castiel squeezed his Mickey a little tighter.

He wasn’t sure how his parents really expected any of them to sleep. They slept _all_ night and not only were they going to Disney, but they were going to be _flying_ there! This was the best day of Castiel’s life and there was no way he would be sleeping through a second of it!

“I wanna be an airplane flier!” Castiel beamed as he picked up Mickey and flew him around in the small space his arms could reach. Mickey flew with only the best airplane noises. Beside him, Lucas snorted and gently pushed his hands down.

“It’s called a pilot, Castiel.” Lucas rolled his eyes and shifted further away in his seat to look out the window. Castiel hoped he was doing what Dad said and was going to go to sleep.

“Pilot,” he tried out the word and heard Gabriel laughing.

“Either way, Cassie, I think you’d make a fine plane flyin’ pilot. Especially with those awesome airplane noises.”

He could feel his tummy getting all warm and happy, and he reached out to pat Gabe’s face. “I would fly you anywhere in the whole world, Gabe! Es’pesly Disney.”

“That’s why you’re my favorite brother,” Gabriel replied with a smirk. “Just don’t tell sour puss over there.”

Castiel giggled and held out Mickey for Gabe to see.

“Do you think we’ll actually get to see Mickey and Minnie? And Pluto and Goofy and Donald Duck?”

“Yeah, Cassie, I think we will get to—”

“This ‘sour puss’ doesn’t want to see those stupid characters,” Lucas interrupted, and suddenly Mickey was being ripped from Castiel’s hands.

Castiel made a sound of protest, his fingers gripping the leg tightly to yank him back. That was _his_ Mickey and Lucas was crushing his head!

“I want,”—Lucas said, tugging hard—“to see,”—Castiel tugged back, whining as he tightened his grip—“the Ninja Turtles!”

Castiel was quickly losing his hold since Lucas was much stronger at nine years old than Castiel was at four. Gabriel reached over Castiel’s shoulder and grabbed a handful too, tugging to help get Mickey back. Then the sound of something ripping had the car falling silent.

Lucas let go and Castiel fell back against his car seat. Mickey, with his head half torn off, rested  on Castiel’s lap. Lucas broke Mickey! Castiel screamed and lashed out, slapping his brother hard across the face.

The backseat erupted in tears, hands swinging, and a chorus of accusations. “Daddy!” “Mo-mo-mommy!” “Mom, he hit me first!”

“Enough!” Daddy yelled, his arm coming back to grab Mickey from Castiel’s hands, then shoving the toy into Mom’s arms. “The three of you better knock it off right now! You’re on your way to Disney and we can’t even get fifteen minutes without you fighting!”

“Bu-bu-but Mickey! Daddy! Lucas broked Mickey!” Castiel screamed, angry that _he_ was getting yelled at when Lucas was the meanie head.

“I can’t even think when you’re screaming like that, Castiel! Enough!” Daddy yelled back, and it only made Castiel cry harder. “Lucas! Why are you terrorizing your brother?”

“I just wanted to see the stupid toy, Dad! It’s not my fault he’s a big ass baby.”

“Lucas Michael!” Daddy turned his head around, and Castiel flinched. Now they were in trouble. “What did you just say?”

“Chuck—”

“I said,” Lucas yelled, crossing his arms over his chest, “Castiel is a big ass baby!” Lucas squirmed back from Daddy’s hands and pressed himself against the door. On Castiel’s other side, Gabriel did the same, just in case, and Castiel was left stuck in the middle.

“Chuck!”

“Lucas Michael Shurley! How dare you use that language! I am pulling this car over and you will—”

“Chuck!” Mommy screamed and then there was an awful sound followed by total, dark silence.

Castiel never found out what Daddy was gonna make Lucas do when he pulled the car over.


	2. The Shurley Family II - [Age Four] The Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a few chapters written, so, surprise! Early chapter ((there will still be one posted on Saturday))

**The Shurley Family II - [Age Four] The Accident**

 

It was a weird feeling. Castiel’s head felt super stuffy and big, like it did last winter when he had a really bad cold. Mommy had made him soup and put weird smelly stuff on his chest that helped him breathe. But now…

**** Castiel couldn’t move at all. He blinked his eyes, confused for a moment when everything stayed dark. His eyes were open, so why couldn’t he see the car? His mommy and daddy? He tried to move his arms but they were stuck, and so were his legs. He felt an overwhelming sense of pani, and gasped in as much air as he could until he heard a strange sound. 

**** Something was shaking. He blinked again, his head starting to really, really hurt. His legs too. He couldn’t hear anything; he couldn’t see anything. He tried to move his arm again to find Gabriel so he could see if he was having the same troubles, but only felt tingles going down his left arm. 

**** His body was both hot and cold at the same time, like how it was when he kicked the blanket off half his body at night and woke up in the morning with his legs really cold. The shaking was making his head hurt even worse, and he tried to yell, to tell it to stop. 

**** “M-mo-mommy?” Castiel cried; tears and boogers were on his face and his voice sounded really funny inside his head. His throat was sore and scratchy when he swallowed hard. He heard some other muffled sounds through the shaking and wondered if it was Lucas or Gabriel, or Mommy or Daddy. 

**** Suddenly, there was a pressure against Castiel’s chest and he screamed, his throat burning. The pressure lifted, but only for a moment before it was back, this time around his neck too. 

**** He felt his entire body falling backward and then there was light! It made Castiel’s head pound, and he screamed again and shut his eyes tight. More pressure was added to his stomach, and his insides flipped over, making him feel like he was going to throw up. 

**** “ — his name?” Castiel heard a voice above him and squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to listen. 

**** “It’s Ca-Castiel.”

**** That was Gabe’s voice! Castiel forced his eyes open, the world around him spinning, and locked onto the dark haired woman who was leaning over him with a lopsided smile. 

**** “Hi, Castiel, I’m Laura. Can you hear me?” 

**** Castiel tried to nod but winced instead. 

**** “That’s okay, buddy, you don’t have to move. I’m with the fire department, and I’m here to help you and your brothers, okay?”

**** Why would the fire department need to help them? Lucas was probably going to be in so much trouble from Daddy for using a swear word, but that didn’t mean they needed a fireman! 

**** The woman was speaking kind of slow and Castiel looked back at her as she started talking again. “We’re going to move you now, okay Castiel?”

**** Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t understand  _ why  _ he had to be moved. They were going to Disney! He was going to ask but something pulled on his leg and he screamed instead. It felt like his leg was being ripped off, just like Mickey’s head! The woman was talking again, right against his ear, and he could feel her petting his head like Mommy did at bedtime. Didn’t she know that something was taking his leg off?

**** “Femoral head dislocation! Get him on the stretcher.”

**** Suddenly the pain was gone, and Castiel was being lifted up into the air. He peeked his eyes open and looked down, happy to see both of his legs hanging, even though he couldn’t really feel them swinging. He was being carried by the dark haired lady and she gave him a soft smile as she rushed across the road. 

The lady seemed nice, but he wanted to know why Mommy wasn’t carrying him instead.

**** He couldn’t move his head to look at the car because there was a white thing holding his head in place. He could only look forward to where a large white ambulance truck was flashing all of it’s red and orange lights. The back was open, and someone pulled out a weird bed on wheels. When they reached it, Laura put him down on it and started strapping him in.

**** “These are like seat belts,” she said as she clipped each one. “They’re going to make sure you don’t fall off and get hurt. I’m going to get your brother, but Josh is right here. He will be helping you out, okay?”

**** She didn’t wait for him to answer before she ran back across the road. He followed her with his eyes as best as he could but couldn’t see much over the weird thing stuck on his neck. He pushed up as much as he could and stared. 

**** Their car was across the road, but it was all wrong. It was upside down, the front all smushed and broken, and the doors facing the road were missing. There was fire coming from the other side of the car, but he could see Mommy’s blonde hair in the front seat. 

**** The firelady moved around the car, then bent out of view. When she stood back up and started across the road again, Castiel recognized Lucas wrapped in a large blue blanket. There was something white covering his whole face and Laura was half carrying him. 

**** “Gabe? Where’s Gabe?” Castiel asked as soon as Lucas reached him; his older brother leaned heavily against the bed. 

**** “He’s in the truck with the fireman,” Lucas answered, his voice sounding all funny through the white stuff. 

**** “And Daddy? Why aren’t they getting Mommy?”

**** Lucas didn’t answer this time. Instead, he reached for Castiel’s hand, twisting their fingers together. Castiel held on tight, hoping that maybe that would get Lucas to stop shaking so much, and after a few moments, he fell asleep. 

 


	3. The Shurley Family III - [Age Four] They're Gone

**The Shurley Family III - [Age Four] They're Gone**

 

“Hey sweetie!”

Castiel’s lip started to quiver, his eyes were burning with tears, and his tummy hurt more than he could ever remember it hurting before. Everything was wrong…

“It’s okay, Castiel. You’re safe. I’m Sarah and I’m a nurse here who’s helping to take care of you.”

Castiel blinked over at the woman who was standing at the end of the bed he was in. She had a shirt on with Care Bears plastered all over it. Castiel didn’t  _ like _ Care Bears. They were for girls.

“Can you tell me your name?” She leaned forward, sinking down into a crouch and Castiel just stared at her. She already knew his name, why was she asking him? She gave him a wide smile and shook her head. “It’s okay, sometimes I don’t like talking to new people either. Now that you’re awake, I can bring your brother Gabe in, is that alright with you?”

Castiel’s eyes widened and he nodded his head quickly, realizing that the white thing that had been around his neck was now gone. She laughed and then stood up.

“I’ll be right back! Maybe I can find some chocolate pudding along the way.”

Castiel didn’t like chocolate, he liked vanilla. But Gabe liked chocolate, so maybe he could just save it for him.

While he waited, Castiel looked around the room. He was laying in a big boy bed, like Lucas and Gabe had at home, but there were gates on either side of him. There was a purple and green spotted curtain hanging from the ceiling that the lady had disappeared behind and it cut the room in half. There was a table and a night stand, like Mommy and Daddy had in their room, and a chair that looked less comfortable than the ones at Castiel’s plastic outdoor table.

Up high on the wall there was a television that was turned on, but no sound was coming from it. He squinted at it before recognizing Jake the Pirate. It only made him think of Mommy…

“We’re back!”

Castiel jumped as the lady came around the curtain, a wide smile on her face and holding a chocolate pudding in her hand. Castiel sat up straighter and she chuckled as she pulled the curtain back revealing Gabe. His brother’s eyes widened and he tried to smile before wincing.

Castiel just stared.

Gabriel’s face was all weird colors -- blues and greens and yellows like when they’d drawn each other tattoos last summer before swimming and all the colors swirled into each other. He held his right arm in front of him and it was covered in a lime green cast.

“Hi,” Gabe said softly and Castiel felt something inside of him break. Hot, fat tears started rolling down his cheeks and he struggled to free himself from the blanket so he could get to the edge of the bed. His leg was stuck down and before he could pull the blanket back to see why, Gabriel crawled one handed up onto the bed, holding on just as tightly to Castiel as Castiel was to him.

He cried and cried until there was nothing left inside of him, except his chest didn’t stop hurting and he could only bury his head further into Gabriel’s arms. His brother’s cast was painful where it dug into his back, but Castiel didn’t care.

“It’s okay, Cassie, you’re okay,” Gabriel whispered into his hair.

It took a few more minutes for Castiel to calm down enough to pull away from Gabe’s chest. He sucked in a huge mouthful, the air in the room cold on his cheeks compared to where they’d just been pressed against his brother. The nurse was still standing in the room, watching them with a small smile on her face, but Castiel thought she looked sad.

He shifted on the bed and was once again hit by the realization that he couldn’t move his leg. Gabriel seemed to catch on as Castiel started tugging on the blankets and helped uncover him so he could see the large blue wedge stuck between his legs and straps holding them in place.

“It’s to keep you from moving your hips,” Sarah said softly and Castiel looked up at her before poking at the foam. “Your leg was hurt in the accident. We’re going to have to be really careful with it so that it can heal, okay? Your brother here has a cast on his arm, but we can’t put a cast on your leg.”

“So he gets to walk around with that thing?” Gabe asked, poking the spot around where Castiel had poked.

“No,” Sarah laughed and Castiel looked up at her again. “It’s just for in bed as a reminder.” She smiled at them and watched Castiel for a moment. “How are you feeling, Castiel? Are you in any pain right now?”

Castiel shook his head, reaching over the foam wedge to grab onto Gabriel’s wrist. He wrapped his fingers around it and held on tightly before asking, “Where is Mommy and Daddy?”

Beside him, Gabriel stiffened and the nurse sighed softly before pulling a chair over to the side of the bed Gabriel wasn’t half hanging off of. She sat down, leaning forward so that her knees were pressed against the mattress and her hands were on the railing.

“Castiel… you and your family were in a really bad accident, okay? Do you remember?”

Castiel stayed quiet. He remembered being in pain and seeing the car, he remembered the ambulance and Lucas being all covered in white and –

“Where is Lucas?”

“Lucas was hurt, too. He needed a little more care and hasn’t woken up yet. As soon as he does, we will bring him in here, okay?” She turned her head and smiled at him and then at Gabe. “I know that this is really, really scary. But you guys have to be strong and brave for each other, okay?”

“They’re gone, aren’t they.”

Castiel looked up at Gabriel, confused. Who was gone? The only people they were missing were Mommy and Daddy and Castiel was sure that just meant they hadn’t woken up either. Like Lucas, they were waiting to be all better before they could come and visit.

There was silence and Castiel looked up to see Sarah had tears on her eyelashes and she was looking at Gabriel with a face he never wanted to see ever again. Gabriel let out a breath and it shook and sounded all wrong. Castiel tightened his fingers around his wrist.

“They’re gone,” Gabriel whispered the word again; Castiel found that he did have more tears to cry.


	4. The Shurley Family IV - [Age Four] We Are Family

**The Shurley Family IV - [Age Four] We Are Family**

 

It was weird, living in a hospital.

Gabriel had been moved into the room with him, his own big boy bed on the other side of the curtain, though most of the time he slept in the Castiel’s bed. Lucas wasn’t able to come - they said that each room was only supposed to have two beds in it, and that he wasn’t healthy enough yet to be moved out of his special room.

Castiel just wanted to see Lucas with his own eyes.

For now, the nurses kind of acted like their mommy -- they brought them food, helped them get dressed and changed, brought them medicine and even scolded Castiel like Mommy would’ve when he tried to turn his nose up at the sticky pink liquid.

An older woman came by almost every day, asking Gabriel questions when she couldn’t get the answers from Lucas, and Gabe told him that she was going to help them find family to stay with.

Castiel just wanted to go home.

This morning, Castiel had already swallowed down the thick, pink medicine that was supposed to make him feel better and was picking at a plate of pancakes on the tray table. Gabe was underneath the covers beside him, nearly finished with his plate of french toast and bacon.

A knock on the door was followed seconds later by the curtain being pulled back and the woman with all of the questions came in with a weird smile.

“Hello Gabriel, Castiel. Remember me? I’m Naomi.”

Castiel nodded, picking up a triangle piece of his pancake and shoving it into his mouth. Gabriel must’ve nodded too, because she gave them a nod and dragged a chair over, the legs scratching against the floor before she sat down.

“I hope you two are doing well this morning. Nurse Vicki, who was taking care of you and Lucas last night, said that everything is looking well! She’s thinking you can be discharged soon. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Castiel wrinkled his nose and twisted to look at Gabe. He had no idea what she was talking about. Gabe’s eyes were narrowed slightly and he placed his bacon down on his plate.

“We’re not leaving without Lucas.”

Eyes wide, Castiel spun back around to look at Naomi. She couldn’t possibly mean --

“Lucas will follow you both as soon as he’s ready to be discharged,” she replied and gave another one of her stiff smiles.

“I’m almost eight, you know,” Gabriel said, reaching for Castiel’s hand underneath the covers. “I know what a social worker really does… I’m not leaving here without _both_ of my brothers and I’m not letting you put us in different homes.”

“Gabriel,” Naomi sighed, her eyebrow raising as she stared him down, “your Uncle Zachariah has graciously accepted to take all three of you in. He wants nothing more than to take care of his sister’s children, to help out his family. He needs to prepare his home, however, to have three young boys in it and-”

“And we will stay here until he’s finished,” Gabriel interrupted and Castiel held his breath, peeking through his lashes at Naomi for her reaction. They weren’t supposed to ever interrupt adults…

Naomi’s eyes widened before narrowing, locked onto Gabriel’s face, and Castiel was just happy that look wasn’t directed at him. It looked just like Mommy’s look when they were having a wrestling match in the living room and knocked the plant off of the window.

“I know that this is hard for you to understand,” Naomi started, but Gabriel shook his head and threw himself down on the pillow beside Castiel, bouncing him slightly.   
Castiel looked between them, then snuggled beside his brother, turning his face into Gabe’s t-shirt.

Naomi clicked her tongue a few times and then, finally, sighed. “I will see what I can do and I will push your Uncle to expedite his plans. The nurses are hopeful that Lucas will be able to be transferred to the hospital in Kansas.”

Gabriel nodded and Castiel stayed silent, holding his breath again. He felt Gabriel’s fingers twitching against his stomach, drumming out numbers. _One. Two. Three. Four. Five._

At eight, the chair Naomi was sitting in scraped across the floor again and she left with a muttered farewell.

“Don’t worry, Cassie,” Gabriel said softly after a moment, when they were both sure she was gone. “I won’t let us get separated.”

Castiel nodded and hugged his brother close. He knew Gabriel wouldn’t let anything happen to them.


	5. The Shurley Family V - [Age Four] Lucas, pt. 1

**The Shurley Family V - [Age Four] Lucas, pt. 1**

 

“Hey, boys!” 

Castiel looked up from his coloring book and saw nurse Vicki walking into the room, a huge smile on her face. She immediately came to the side of the bed and sat down on the end, looking between him and Gabriel with a wide smile on her face. 

“Guess what?”

Castiel shrugged, dropping his purple marker to the table, already feeling the excitement making his tummy all fluttery. She was bouncing slightly on the end of the mattress and chuckled as she looked at Gabe for him to guess. 

“Um, Uncle Zack is here?” Gabriel drew out the question, and Vicki shook her head, her smile never wavering. 

“Nope! Soon, though. He should be flying in tomorrow and will come see you in the afternoon. This is so much better!”

Castiel didn’t dare say what he actually hoped for. Gabriel told him that no matter how much he asked for Mommy or Daddy, it wouldn’t bring them back… The only other thing he really, really wanted was -

“Lucas is well enough to come visit!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. Behind him, Gabriel gasped in excitement and Castiel shoved the tray table away, the markers rolling off the edge and a few of them bouncing down onto the floor. 

“We can see Lucas? We can see him right this minute?” 

Vicki laughed, but it was happy and Castiel didn’t mind even a little bit that she was laughing at them. They were going to see Lucas!

“Well, first we need to clean up this mess,” she nodded her head over to the markers all over the floor and down at Castiel’s hands covered in blues, reds, and greens, “and throw on some pants. It’s a little chilly in the hallway.”

Gabriel jumped out of the bed before she was even finished speaking, dropping to the ground and reaching under the bed for the markers who had rolled underneath. Castiel started to lick at the ink on his fingers, and Vicki laughed again, grabbing his wrists gently to stop him. 

“Castiel, we have enough time to get a washcloth, you silly goose! Lucas isn’t going anywhere, I promise.”

Castiel thought that was kind of a silly thing to say, but he didn’t reply. Instead, her let her help him to the edge of the bed, careful of his leg, and left the room to get new clothes and washing supplies. 

“Do you think Lucas will remember what we look like?” Castiel asked over his shoulder, meeting Gabriel’s eyes from the floor. 

“Did you forget what Lucas looked like?” Gabriel asked back, and Castiel nodded his head quickly. “Then no, Cassie. Lucas will recognize us. I bet he’ll be even more excited to see us since he’s been alone this whole time. We’ve at least had each other.”

Castiel’s eyes widened and jumped into action, searching the bed around him for lost markers and collecting the rest from the tray table. Lucas shouldn’t be alone any longer!

They made quick work of getting cleaned up and dressed, and Castiel didn’t even argue when Vicki suggested taking a wheelchair to go to the floor Lucas was on. He hated the chair, always chose to walk instead, but if using it got him to Lucas faster? He was not going to argue! 

The ‘unit’, as Vicki called it, was much quieter than the kid’s floor he and Gabriel were staying at. There were more people rushing around, nurses and doctors and workers in their white coats, but none of them were laughing or talking like the nurses on their floor did. Castiel wondered why they all weren’t laughing with their patients like Vicki and the other nurses did. 

“Okay, boys,” Vicki gained their attention, crouching down in front of the wheelchair and helping Gabriel stop it from rolling into her, “this is Lucas’ room. We’re going to have to be kind of quiet down here, okay? The people on the unit are very, very sick and need their rest. Lucas wants to see you guys, but if his nurses says we gotta go, then we have to listen.”

“Why do we have to leave Lucas?” Castiel asked, leaning forward in the chair. “Why can’t we just stay with him until Uncle Zack comes?”

Vicki smiled and patted his good leg, shaking her head slowly. “Lucas is still very sick, Castiel. You and Gabriel are doing so well, that’s why you’re on the pediatric floor. I promise, we will visit Lucas as often as we can, okay?”

“Can we just go in now?” Gabriel asked from behind the chair, his voice shaking a little bit. It was exactly how Castiel felt inside, too. Shaky and funny and tickly and weird. 

Vicki nodded instead of answering and knocked on the wall, pushing the curtain back enough for Gabriel to push the chair through. 

Lucas’ room looked like theirs in a way -- his bed was the same as Castiel’s, the door to the bathroom had the same whiteboard and ‘Call don’t Fall’ sign on it, there were metal and plastic things jutting out of the wall behind the bed, but everything else about it was different. The room was darker, the shades on the window pulled tight, and the walls a normal white color. 

And someone Castiel didn’t recognize was in the bed. 

Castiel stared. The boy in the bed was the same size as his brother, Lucas. He was turned slightly on his side, facing the door. But his head was completely wrapped in white stuff, his arms and mouth and neck bright, bright red and angry looking. Castiel could see him breathing hard, his chest rising and falling as he inhaled sharply, and Castiel wanted to tell him it was okay, that they were just here looking for their brother and not to be scared. 

Then, he spoke.

“Gabriel? Castiel?” The boy’s voice was broken, scratchy, but it was _Lucas’_ voice coming out of his mouth. 

“Lucas!” Gabriel whispered and Castiel felt his hip slam into the chair as he moved past, climbing up onto the bed, hesitating until the boy nodded his head and they collapsed together. 

Castiel didn’t move. Vicki, however, thought he should be closer and moved behind to push the chair forward. Castiel tried not to feel terrified, but his hands were shaking and he felt like he was going to throw up. 

“Castiel, are you going to say hi to your brother?” 

Castiel opened his mouth to say ‘no!’, to tell her that this was _not_ Lucas, when the boy peeked out from underneath Gabriel’s shoulder and Castiel met his eyes through the thin strip of white. Blue, like his and like Mommy’s. 

“Lucas!”


	6. The Shurley Family V - [Age Four] Lucas, pt. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Apparently I missed a Saturday! My apologies! New schedule messed me up all week long!

**The Shurley Family V - [Age Four] Lucas, pt. II**

 

Castiel struggled out of the wheelchair, nearly catching himself on the foot rest and falling to the floor. Nurse Vicki grabbed him underneath the arm pits and lifted him gently, helping him to get his feet steady on the floor. He heard her distant warning to be careful and remember his hip, but Castiel didn't care. He moved as fast as he could to the bed, letting Gabriel help haul him up. He laid against Lucas' other side, Gabriel grabbing both of his brothers, and holding the three of them together.

Lucas' chest was still rising and falling quickly, making Castiel's head bounce slightly. He tipped his head back, looking up and meeting Lucas' eyes through the white bandages. 

"What happened to your head?"

"Castiel," Gabriel sighed, peeking his head up over Lucas' chest and giving him a look. Castiel gave him a small glare, then returned to look at Lucas' head. 

The dark red skin around his neck and face that wasn't covered looked twisted, soft and hard at the same time. Slowly, Castiel lifted his hand to touch but Lucas shook his head. 

"You can't touch it... not yet. It's still healing..." Castiel watched his brother swallow hard, and looked up to see his eyes were shut. "They said I have to be really careful with it while it's healing."

"What... is it?" Castiel asked, shifting to look at it closer, making sure he didn't accidentally bump into it. 

"It's my skin now," Lucas answered, looking to the ceiling so both of his brothers could see where the angry, red skin moved down his throat, over the top of his chest, and disappearing over his left shoulder underneath the hospital gown. "My regular skin got burned off. Some of this skin is new, some of it is healed on it's own."

Castiel nodded and Gabriel spoke up from the other side. "So, what's underneath the bandages?"

"That's where most of the burns were..." Lucas whispered, moving his head back down and looking between them. "It's still being wrapped until the graft takes, it has to stay really wet so there's a yellow goopy thing underneath the bandages."

Castiel wrinkled his nose. "That sounds gross," he commented and Lucas laughed a little, nodding his head. 

They were all quiet for a moment and then Castiel gasped, yanking back to sit up against the side rail. "Lucas! Does this mean you're the  _fifth_ Ninja Turtle?! They don't have a yellow one!"

Lucas' eyes widened for a moment before a huge smile broke out across his face. Castiel nodded, clenching his hands into tiny fists as he shook his hands in excitement. "Yes! You  _are_ Lucas, you  _are_! You're the coolest Ninja Turtle, too, cause I bet you Raphael or Donatello wouldn't have been able to be in the hospitable all by themselves for so long like you were! And none of them were ever burned before!"

"Hold on!" Gabriel shifted, too, and slipped off of the bed, finding Lucas' end table and pulling open the plastic drawer. Castiel pushed up onto his hands, seeing that Lucas had most of the same things he and Gabriel did in their room; crayons, markers, coloring pages, and books were all crammed into the drawer and on top of the table. Gabriel spilt half the markers and glanced over at the doorway to make sure Nurse Vicki wasn't there to yell at him, then grabbed a thick yellow one and climbed back up on the bed. 

He pulled the cap off and started coloring the side of Lucas' bandage he could reach. Lucas winced once, but shook his head when Gabriel asked if he should stop. When he was finished, he handed the marker for Castiel to do the other side. Castiel did his very best coloring, making sure there weren't any huge white spots left and that he didn't slip and poke Lucas in the eyeball or his mouth. When he recapped the marker, he and Gabriel both leaned back to survey their coloring job. 

"You are the coolest Ninja Turtle," Gabriel said after a moment and Castiel just nodded his head in agreement. 

Lucas' smile grew wide, pulling the new red skin tight and making it shiny. He reached forward, grabbing both Castiel and Gabriel's arms and pulling them in for another hug. 

As Castiel lay against his brother's side, Nurse Vicki having come in and made Gabriel pick up the markers after she stopped laughing over Lucas' "new look", he finally felt okay. He still missed Mommy and Daddy, but having Lucas there made this the best day ever. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback fuels the fire <3


End file.
